Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
