My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
