guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
