I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
