Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize