my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
