I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
