I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she told me i tasted like america
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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