one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.