Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............