I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
