Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff