I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?