i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet