is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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