pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
