I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
