If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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