so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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