we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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