I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize