yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
