he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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