break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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