Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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