He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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