I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
