i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
