i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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