I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
