Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
