I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
