There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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