just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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