I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
