every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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