he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
