Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
