I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
