and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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