I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
