Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
