I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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