Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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