Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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