I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
