fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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