The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
