all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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