i can't believe i had my finger in that
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
