i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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