I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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