My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
