On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
