Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
