Three words: puerto rican gang bang
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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