No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
