normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
