Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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