Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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