Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sobbing to NWA
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
