last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
