Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
