Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
