The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
