Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
