i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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