I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
