people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
