so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
