ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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