so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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